Self Care in 2020

2020. What do I say? Where do I start?

I am writing this on the morning of Election Day.

The sun is shining, and my neighbors waved at me before they left for work.

Does anyone else feel like their anxiety is so high, we may as well all be hot air balloons?

My completely unsolicited advice is self-care!

I know this is an unusual topic to debut with, but it is an unusual year.

Mental health is important. As a business owner, as a parent, how are you caring for your own mental health today (and every day)?

There are practices we can put into place to tame our stress and anxiety. Some may be daily, others weekly or monthly.

The internet has mindfulness apps (five minutes a day) and YouTube yoga practices galore. You can go to a gym or take a walk. You can get a cup of coffee, a massage, or go golfing for an afternoon. You can eat well and get more sleep (seriously guys, this is so important).

You can schedule an in-person or virtual session with a professional counselor. The stigma around therapy is receding. You wouldn’t go to court without counsel, why do life without it?

However, there is another form of self-care that I use. I find its effects last longer than my stolen moments outside on the porch with my latte, wondering when my kid is going to notice I’m taking a minute for myself and come galloping out to ask me 873,942 questions.

If you are juggling an impossible number of tasks that require you to be on all. The. Time…

This post is for you.

I am going to share some tactics I use to manage anxiety effectively, so it doesn’t leak onto my co-workers, clients, kiddo, or other people I care about.

Before I begin, I allow myself a mental break. No, not a mental breakdown, just a break!

You can run through a mindfulness practice or listen to an instrumental piece of music. I personally say a prayer and ask for clarity. Then, I take the following seven steps:

• I identify my three main sources of anxiety.

I ask myself what is eating away at my peace and I write those things down. You may say, “Only three?” Typically, the little things bugging me stem from larger concerns.

• Once they are on paper, I accept that they are affecting me.

I don’t invalidate them or sweep them under the rug. Maybe those stressors cannot be altered or removed, but the way I approach them can change.

• I take about ten slow, deep breaths.

Don’t knock it, it works.

• I approach each challenge separately, by priority level.

If I approach just one of them in a day for fifteen minutes, that is a win. I am a vocal proponent of breaking down a challenge into manageable pieces.

• Instead of dwelling on the challenge as a problem, I ask myself a series of questions that are designed to bring me to a solution.

Ex. I need to take my son to school on Mondays, but I have a virtual meeting at the same time (thanks, 2020).

• Is this a meeting I must attend?

• Is this a meeting I need to listen to, but not participate in visually or vocally? If so, could I drive to school during the meeting and use my phone to listen in a safe way?

• If the meeting requires my participation, would moving it by a half hour be a feasible solution?

• If not, is there another family member who could take this task off my plate until something changes?

• If there is no family member available, is this something I am willing to pay a helper for to keep mental clarity and focus during my workday?

• If I don’t know a helper offhand that I trust, do I know someone whose opinion I value that can help me find someone?

• If I don’t know anyone in my area whose opinion I value, is there a popular service or website I could explore to find a helper?

• Create a Plan of Action.

At this point, I have brainstormed several possible solutions and can explore them to find an avenue that works for me. I then create a Plan of Action from those ideas, a few steps I can take to bring my solution to life and see a path forward. Draft an email to my boss. Review my childcare budget. Make a call or two.

• I accept that even if it cannot be resolved in this moment, I am still okay.

I do not wear a cape (unless you count the blanket around my neck because it was freezing this morning)! I can’t snap my fingers and slow time. I can allow myself to feel better because I have an actionable plan and I have made measurable progress.

Hey, you.

I also want to remind you…

Don’t feel guilty or ashamed to ask for help. If you are feeling helpless, combat that anxiety. Take a break. Do something you love. Talk it out with a friend, a mentor, or a professional. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed to ask for help. You are NOT alone. This Healthline article holds several helpful resources: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-deal-with-loneliness#resources

Don’t be afraid to say NO. No one person can do everything nor should you be expected to! If you feel that pressure, sit down and have a conversation with your circle about how to alleviate that stress! There are several things I have taken on this year that I did not expect, but I weighed them before I allowed them to be placed in my hands. In turn, there are a few things I have chosen to take off my plate to keep my own peace. This allows me to pour out to others from a full cup, and be the best mom, friend, employee, and business owner that I can be!

Happy almost 2021, y’all!